In a way, i enjoy drowning in sorrow and negativity.?

Just do whatever you want. If you don't want to put in the effort to be "happy" then don't. There's no need to desperately seek it out. I think that if you just wait than you become content. Let the sorrow and negativity fill you up and eventually you will get bored of it and just feel neutral. Most people spend all their time trying to feel happy and bubbly, why not embrace the darkness. OK maybe none of this made sense, but whatever ;)